Zodiacul (the one and only)

Nu sunt genul care consulta zodiacul in fiecare zi. Nici macar lunar, nu ma convinge, desi am auzit de o doamna, Susan Miller, care le spune asa frumos si cu un twist spre pozitiv ca tare bine iti face... In fine, tot nu-s adepta, recunosc, desi ma declar sus si tare Balanta si ma regasesc in descrierile usor stereotipe ale minunatei (da, da, minunatei) zodii din care fac parte...

Asta pentru ca am avut prin casa, nu se stie de unde, un zodiac batut la masina si ingrijit legat in patru volume care descria fiecare semn astrologic in parte, cu un umor nebun si la marele fix. Un deliciu! O placere sa il citesti, macar pentru umor daca nu si pentru faptul ca... hmm.. este corect dar si destul de magulitor. Ma regasesc total si si acum, dupa atatia ani, pot reda idei din el, pasaje intregi teribil de amuzante.

Din pacate volumele nu mi-e clar pe unde mai sunt, unul sau doua sunt la mine, dar nu, sigur nu-s toate (e posibil sa se sesizeze tata si sa inceapa sa le caute) si din pacate nu stiu de unde provin si nu le am in varianta electronica - greu sa i le arati cuiva, greu sa discuti despre ele cu cineva.

Ieri insa... le-am regasit online! Pe site-ul unui domn, fix traducerea pe care o am si eu, nu dau insa link pentru ca sapand ceva pe net m-am prins ca nu ii apartin. Dar voila, I give u ZODIACUL, a.k.a. "the shit" - scris pe la 1968 de Linda Goodman, mare celebritate in domeniu mare, in cartea "Sun Signs" (a mai scris si altele, din ce vad, nu ma prind daca sunt publicate in romana, desi vad ca asta e tradusa) si iata cateva pasaje haioase din draga de Balanta (pai nu?):

" A Libran is the only person on earth who can say, "I hate you and I'm going to punch you in the nose," and sound as if he's reciting Browning's "How Do I Love Thee?"

"To a Libra woman, there's no such thing as what she thinks is right. Your opinion deserves as much respect as hers and Plato's, until the decision is made, based on the flaws in her arguments, yours and all the philosophers."

"... if she's a typical Venus girl, she offers her pearls of wisdom on a silver platter of charm and amiable suggestion. Her iron hand wears a soft, velvet glove, and she can nudge you off the wrong track and in the right direction so gently, you'll swear the switch was entirely your own idea. "

"Her mental processes operate with male logic and they can match yours in any discussion you care to start. They can even top yours on occasion, although the female side of the Libra woman is usually too smart to let you catch on to that until you're safely past the honeymoon. During the mating season, she'll be careful not to beat you at chess, but she won't hide her sharp mind behind those soft dimples forever. Eventually, you'll be treated to a display of her brain power."

"The masculine side of her will rarely disturb you, unless you're one of those impossible males who want to go shouting around like King Henry VIII and expecting the women in your life to behave like obedient consorts, fearful of losing their heads if they say anything other than "yes" or "no." Your Libran con­sort will definitely say more than "yes" or "no." She likes to talk. But she'll also make a flattering listener, when you have a need for a good audience. This woman is both tough and soft at the same time, and it's not every female who can manage that delicate balancing act."  

"What other woman could look like a princess when you take her to the ball, then turn right around, lace up her boots, zip up her red plaid lumber jacket, and help you saw logs for the fireplace? She has sweetness enough for the first and strength enough for the second. If her name is Peg, you'll be whistling "Peg-0-My-Heart." If it's Sally . or Mary, you'll happily hum "My Gal Sal" or sing "Mary Is a Grand Old Name." In case the song writers have forgotten to pay her a tribute, write your own melody in waltz time, with a good, strong beat, and dedicate it to your Libra woman. Fortissimo."